What a Difference a Year Makes

Dear Owen,

One year ago today your Daddy and I found out we were expecting you. This morning, I looked back at my old posts from this time last year. It seems like just yesterday and yet so long ago at the same time. I was reminded of how incredibly blessed I am. I have the baby of my dreams and and I am loving every second of motherhood. Every. Single. Second. Yes, even the trying moments! This time last year, I remember feeling full of worry, anxiety, and nerves. I remember some dark times while trying to get pregnant. I also remember feeling cautiously hopeful. I never imagined my life would turn out this blissful.

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This time next year, I will be the mother of a little boy who is one year and four months old. You might be walking and starting to talk. My birthday is at the beginning of December. I will turn 35 years old. For the past few years, I was always a bit sad on my birthday. My birthday reminded me that was getting older and I wasn't living the life I wanted. Or rather part of the life I wanted. I felt like I was failing. This year will be different. This year I am completely happy, content, and fulfilled. This year, I will wake up on my birthday looking at your sweet face and feel like the luckiest person in the world. I always wished for a baby when I blew out the candles on my birthday cake. My wish came true and I am finally a mother. I love you son!

Five Things I Thought I Knew

Dear Owen,
1. I knew motherhood would be hard.
I never labored under the preconception that motherhood would be a piece of cake. The constant diaper changes, the late night feedings, the crying, the exhaustion, and the mess-this is what I thought the real exertion would consist of. As it turns out, that stuff is easy. I could do those things with my eyes shut. The real challenge of parenting are the aspects that just can't be controlled: the vaccines, the unbearable longing for your Grandma, your first cold, the heartache of leaving you when I go to work each day, or watching tears stream down your sweet face and having no idea how to help you. That is the hard stuff. I can't imagine how I will deal with the first time you have your feelings hurt, the first time you work really hard at something only to fail, or the first time you have your heart broken.
2. I knew having a baby would be fun.
What I didn't account for was the joy. It sounds corny, but there is just so much joy surrounding parenthood and I never really expected that. You keep us giggling all day long, you are such a silly-pants, and I have the best time taking care of you. Your Daddy feels the same way. I go to bed at night so excited to wake up and spend another day being your mommy. Every day is an adventure and I laugh. A lot.
3. I knew once I had a baby, everything would be perfect.
You are perfect, that's for sure. But having a baby certainly does not right the world's wrongs by any means. I was guilty of romanticizing having a baby, assuming it would make my life perfect and everything would be roses. But unfortunately there are still arguments, bills to pay, and sky-high piles of dirty laundry. Having a baby does not make a marriage, but it certainly has brought your Daddy and I closer together. Having you did not "fix" my life, but it has definitely made me feel complete. No, everything is not perfect, but I am, possibly for first time in my life, completely and utterly content.
4. I knew I would follow all the rules.
Turns out rules are meant to be broken, especially in the world of parenting. "They" say lots of things, but all babies are different. What's best for one kid might not be for another. You can read a hundred different parenting books and come back with fifty pieces of conflicting advice. They don't call it Mother's intuition for nothing and it really comes in handy. In my experience, I have found that if it feels right, then it is right (or vice versa), despite what "they" say. I have found the confidence to rely on my own gut instincts in my four months of being a mom. No one knows you better than me.
5. I knew I would love you.
I just didn't expect to love you THIS much. This kind of love is totally and completely different than anything I have ever experienced. It's the kind you live and die for. I wish I had the words to describe, with eloquence, this feeling. It's too vast to try to explain. All I can say is this: you are without a doubt the greatest love of my life.
I love you son,
Mom

Four Month Checkup

Dear Owen,
On Friday we went to see Doctor Davis for your four month checkup. It was a great appointment and you rolled over for the first time while we were there! Your stats from the checkup are: height 23.5 inches (5th percentile), weight 14lbs 4 oz (30th percentile), and head circumference 42 inches (50th percentile). You are still growing outwards rather than upwards, but Doctor Davis doesn't seem too concerned about it. You are getting taller at the same rate at all your checkups and will probably hit a growth spurt soon to even things out. Everything else checked out really well and Doctor D put you on the table to see how strong you are. He asked us if you had rolled over yet and just as we were saying "Not yet", you flipped over! We were so proud of you. You also had your four month shots. Of course, I couldn't watch but you didn't cry for long, so I told myself that it wasn't that bad. Doctor Davis gave us the all clear to start experimenting with some solid foods. We need to start slowly introducing one food at time and see how it goes. Yesterday you had your first taste of bananas. So far so good! I am sure mealtimes and diapers are going to get much more interesting in the Beale household.
I love you son,
Mom

Four Months Old

Dear Owen,
Today you are four months old. Wow. I can't believe how quickly the first few months of your life have passed by and how you are growing into such a little boy right before my eyes. You are no longer the baby who just eats and sleeps all the time. You are so much more than that and your personality is developing more every day. First of all, you are nearly three times as big as when you were born. That's a lot of chubby cheeks and chunky thighs! You will get your official four month weight on Friday at your checkup, but my guess is around fifteen pounds. You've come a long way since I was so worried about waking you up to eat your two Oz every two hours. Speaking of eating, you are a champ. You take after your Mama and Daddy. You recently tried rice cereal and maybe venturing onto other solid foods in the near future. I see great messy mealtimes ahead of us!
You have also become quite the active baby. In addition to smiling, you play peep-a-boo, move your arms and legs, grab things, always have your hands in your mouth, and tell all sorts of stories. The morning seems to be your favorite time of day. Almost every morning, your Daddy or I are greeted with big smiles and lots of wiggling around. You are definitely more aware of your surroundings now and watch us closely when we aren't paying attention to you. You have also mastered the art of the pout and it's ALMOST too cute to resist sometimes! Even though you are changing a lot at a rapid pace, I want you to know how much I have enjoyed this past month. It is so exciting to watch you learn new things and develop into the person that you are. I am already so proud of you!
I love you so much son,
Mom

Rice Cereal

Dear O,
A few days ago you had your first taste of rice cereal. So far, we have only tried it a couple of times and you like it! There is a big debate in the parenting community about when to introduce solid foods and people feel very strongly about it. Our pediatrician recommended starting with some rice cereal about four months and see how it progresses from there. We aren't really in any hurry to push it on you, but you actually seem to be hungry for it. You already eat 4 bottles of 8oz a day and always want more! So your Daddy and I decided you might be ready for a little experimentation in the food department. I really have mixed feelings about the whole thing. On one hand, I am excited for you to to try new things and to begin to learn how to eat. But on the other hand, you are growing up way too quickly and I want my little boy to stay a baby. I guess that will be my dilemma for the rest of my life!
I love you son,
Mom