Dear Owen,
1. I knew motherhood would be hard.
I never labored under the preconception that motherhood would be a piece of cake. The constant diaper changes, the late night feedings, the crying, the exhaustion, and the mess-this is what I thought the real exertion would consist of. As it turns out, that stuff is easy. I could do those things with my eyes shut. The real challenge of parenting are the aspects that just can't be controlled: the vaccines, the unbearable longing for your Grandma, your first cold, the heartache of leaving you when I go to work each day, or watching tears stream down your sweet face and having no idea how to help you. That is the hard stuff. I can't imagine how I will deal with the first time you have your feelings hurt, the first time you work really hard at something only to fail, or the first time you have your heart broken.
2. I knew having a baby would be fun.
What I didn't account for was the joy. It sounds corny, but there is just so much joy surrounding parenthood and I never really expected that. You keep us giggling all day long, you are such a silly-pants, and I have the best time taking care of you. Your Daddy feels the same way. I go to bed at night so excited to wake up and spend another day being your mommy. Every day is an adventure and I laugh. A lot.
3. I knew once I had a baby, everything would be perfect.
You are perfect, that's for sure. But having a baby certainly does not right the world's wrongs by any means. I was guilty of romanticizing having a baby, assuming it would make my life perfect and everything would be roses. But unfortunately there are still arguments, bills to pay, and sky-high piles of dirty laundry. Having a baby does not make a marriage, but it certainly has brought your Daddy and I closer together. Having you did not "fix" my life, but it has definitely made me feel complete. No, everything is not perfect, but I am, possibly for first time in my life, completely and utterly content.
4. I knew I would follow all the rules.
Turns out rules are meant to be broken, especially in the world of parenting. "They" say lots of things, but all babies are different. What's best for one kid might not be for another. You can read a hundred different parenting books and come back with fifty pieces of conflicting advice. They don't call it Mother's intuition for nothing and it really comes in handy. In my experience, I have found that if it feels right, then it is right (or vice versa), despite what "they" say. I have found the confidence to rely on my own gut instincts in my four months of being a mom. No one knows you better than me.
5. I knew I would love you.
I just didn't expect to love you THIS much. This kind of love is totally and completely different than anything I have ever experienced. It's the kind you live and die for. I wish I had the words to describe, with eloquence, this feeling. It's too vast to try to explain. All I can say is this: you are without a doubt the greatest love of my life.
I love you son,
Mom
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